cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
