My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
