something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
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in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
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I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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