He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
