her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
