Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
