Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The air was thick with penises
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
