i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
