When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Randomize
