I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
