You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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