even my farts smell like vagina
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
