Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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