hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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