wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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