I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
