I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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