he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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