im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
