I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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