My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
