I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
