well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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