i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
