just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
