New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
