Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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