:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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