Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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