you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
