It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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