what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you inspire me to be a worse person
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
