Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
