You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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