I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She announced her abortion via fbk
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize