he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also, beer. Big fan.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
