You can't motorboat a personality
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pants are for mortals
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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