I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
