you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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