it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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