he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize