Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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