I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize