We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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