you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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