So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
