Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
