Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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