my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
