Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize