are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
