I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
