apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
