I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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