i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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