Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
