so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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