Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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