Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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