Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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