Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
