It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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