I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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