Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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