Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
