Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
