Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
