dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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