I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
