so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
