so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
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Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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