I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You pole danced in your parka.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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