apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
