Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
