Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
