My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
