As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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