life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
