I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
