hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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